Ya know

I’m a simple guy, well I used to be anyhow then the world took me in. Now I have my don’t give a flying fuck standing up like a cobra. Any one think this gen x can’t hang is sadly mistaken. Um I’ve died like 5 times so in cat time I got 4 more (legally twice) maybe I’m the zombie {made myself laugh} The idea that I can write and it can cover the world in seconds still blows my mind. Now I do know computers but its on the hardware end. When I was doing binary training the processors that we uses today was just in theory, i take nothing for granted, really every thing we type and all the shows we watch are just simply switches being turned off and on in a VERT FUCKING FAST BASTARD ASS WAY 0010011001001001001000100101010010010001000010 that’s all it is on or off. Do I do a blog cause i thing someone really case in this new world…Na its mainly from the writers I’ve read there stuff, they were simply trying to make sense of stuff, some were just sharing ideas of stories but I’m talking more about the Hunter s Thompson type, ya know the people that just write just to write. There is very little difference inbetween us and musicians, we try to portray our ideas in simple print they have instruments. I’m trying to get rid of the guns in my head…..thats what I’m doing. So my slang and poor structure is possibly just part of what I do, what about Bob Dylan.

We are all sorta kinda lonely at times and if you aint one of those well good on ya. I half ass look like a male model and walked through a park tonight totally alone and seen some dog ass dudes with some bomb ass chicks. I’d get really great girl friends when I was in the military and there were people that would lie their way into getting then. Of course when they can back I’d never take them back, but really WHY, why would you do that to someone. I stick it up to I’ve got a greater thing to do, cause after all I did dump two awesome girls pre military. They wanted to have a family and stuff like that so maybe my life has been them just getting even…..maybe the kids I didn’t have, who knows. Oh no I wanted to go to war. Ya know the intro to the “hurt locker” the screen has all the various things on it like what every one is doing and before they get into the film it says “War is a drug” I’m here to tell you it is and it’s the most powerful comsumming drug ever. There is no rehab there is nothing. For example I’ve been using thunderstorms to help me sleep at night, ya know like on youtube. Well my speaker fell in suck away it sounded like the F 15’S,F 14’s and AV8’s were running bombing strikes. Have you lived through that……have you armed those aircraft, do you have any idea what happens from what happens when I do my job, it’s not fucking pretty. Ever slept on 15000 pounds of C4, slept on white crates and we all god dam know what was in those, ever fully loaded an aircraft to were it could barely take off and it comes back empty. Ever been woke up in the middle of the night by Seals or EOD and told “we need stuff” Ever lifted a 1000 pound bomb onto a fighter jet with the engines running. Or better yet do flight opps in chemical attack suits, that’s a fucking treat from hell. I do remember that we would get letters. The ones that stick out the most was a kindergarden class sent some stuff. Most the guys would just pilliage through all the lettets for a hook up but I would read all the letters. Quite the alominily I know. I tell ya what those little kids saying stuff like “thanks for protecting us” that stuff hit me to the core. Of course I got made fun of for caring, but really who is gonna fuck with me…..I got det cord. This was early 90’s people, now think when we were offically in Bosinia…….yeah we weren’t there. Look up when the French fighter planes got shot down, that’s when we rolled (and special thanks to Todd Beamer from flight 93…you are not forgotten buddy, thanks(oh he said that btw when they over took the plane)) We were just pissed we couldn’t play with french girls any more, holy fuck they were fun.

Anyhow I haven’t wrote in awhile and yeah I got really rebroken……really rebroken. I don’t have anyone to talk to hardly but thank god for the show I zombie, Olive Moore pulled me out of it. I even stopped going to the gym. I’m sorta thankful in a way cause it just make my resolve to get the fuck out of here even stronger, its a white hot passion now! Maybe a fun friday but other than that fuck it……fucking Queens,Yonkeers, NYC fuck these fucking hicks. I had a moment in the other night. I said to myself “why hold onto a place if you stay you are going to die, to a life that has been kicking you out your whole life, you don’t belong here, you have no buiness here. If it don’t work go back to Vermont….ya fit in there, they fucking loved you there, go make cheese, go cut rocks, fuck these bitch ass midwest raciest bastards, go god dam do something before like what those Hamas bastards had planned for you….you’re gonna die here, don’t just give it to them.” And I was was right, I do not belong here, not at all, it’s a world here that I don’t belong. Son of a bitch almost every conversation I have someone thinks I’m cocky, probably cause I’m not talking about cooking meth or raping some chick. Fuck these mother fuckers, shit at least get to Lawerence Kansas there are normal people there, here, here, here, I die a bit every day. The saying goes “get the fuck out of dodge” meaning Dodge Kansas…pppppppphh I’d fucking love Dodge, Kansas to me is free mans land. Kansas is Gods country!!!! where my grandfather was from and he defeated the Germans in WW2 (not by himself but he was totally rocking a half track with a 105 in tow so he is a pretty big deal)

Oh for the thrill seekers I reached out to the soon to be ex wife which means my layers of protection I self breached and she is probably gonna read ALL this shit so that’s like totally non hanus….so it might be fun tomorrow. She will start from last to first so if you are reading this…………..her………I do miss you, I miss you every day and please ……I hope you are doing well………I have to move, you can have this shit hole city, I claim the east, you were gonna go west to Cali, I get NYC. remember you and your daughter were just gonna move to Colorado with out me….move then….you won’t you will just be here to watch this shit hole rot around you, thats all I ever did was try and get you out of here.

sorry about that folks, so to my Spanish speaking brothers and sisters I say “DIOS bendiga kansas” for it is the mother land

Published by drewstram

This is my first time writing a blog, really the first time writing anything public (sure it shows...don't be so judgeie, jezz). I'm 43 and should be divorced in about a month, haven't heard nor seen her in well over a year so I sorta forget I'm still married. I'm basically at a crossroads in my life. Not like Ralph Machio in the movie 'Crossroads", think a lot less deals with the devil, guitars, and gravel roads, actually nothing like that. This is gonna be either a epic story of a come back or one great big train wreck. Lots of stories to tell and I hope some are entertaining. Maybe it will be an example of what not to do with your spare time. Thanks for stopping by.

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