MOTHER FUCKERS I FOUND MY LIFE IN A PHOTO

This was in my stack of stuff of picture and I was not felling inspired as a writer till I came across that picture (I say I’m a writer cause well I write, albeit it’s horrible ((not the stories mind you just my training)) way to go public schools….bitches!) In the past I’ve had to respond to actual train wrecks due to the fact that iron workers and labors had to cut the dam things up and carry them away, really fuck they have to go some where right! Our company would rent lifts for all those guys (and gals) to cut that shit up. So goes it with freelance writing when you put it to the screen and see it then comes another idea, it just seems to come up. SO (oh and I totally know the #1 rule of writing is don’t start with words like so……my blog…..my world……so deal with it… So (with a deep breath I ponder if I wanna go into this story, cause after all I use it for an interview question all the time, and I think maybe I should dumb down a bit……got to pee be back….okay I’m back and i forgot the “)” thing so here it is ) BAM mother fuckers. Oh a side note my editor is gonna be pissed so he is gonna yell at me, he’s sorta a dick.

Alright I,m down by the gulf and me and Yoke are replacing the tip end of a for stage boom (man lift, like the things people are working on buildings with) and we are getting ready to leave and the field guy James at the place we were working at (he was a service tech that went to job sight to job to fix stuff) and said send one of us guys down to where he was at cause he couldn’t figure out this problem on this 126 foot man lift. Well Jeff (Yoke) was very new to field stuff so we decided I’d go down there. Okay I drive my ass there while on the phone with this James cat (Oh he was totally from England too) and I pull up to this watery field of off shore oil rigs that are being reworked. I find this guy finally and he is all like ” Mate we have go quick, the boom is stuck in the air on a barge under the oil rig and a ship is gonna pass the shipping lane and if the boom is still up in the air and the barge will tip and it will all sink in the ocean with the machine on it. (NO FUCKING PRESSURE right its only $350,000 dollar machine on a barge that cost god knows what) We had 30 minutes. We pull our selves out to the machine on a little john boat (not the rapper) along a rope tied from the barge to the dock, James and I grab various tools from our boat and set them on the deck…..I pull out the e stop and turn the key……….OH this bitch is pissed (the machine has different alarms for different problems, like “somebody has been fucking with me that they don’t know what they are doing”, to “I hurt…take care of me…I need you” to “I’ll kill this bitch” alarms, well she had them all. The hour meter only had 13.7 hours on it and was very new,I know it leaves the factory with 4 so I got a real problem here. Of course I have James all freaking out and I have her (the boom) saying “oh it’s you, YAY help me!” So I go into the mode of “I got this” I did grab my 126 bag (oh snap ya don’t know what that is, um wires resistors all sorts of stuff to mimick sensors, airport security stink eye’s the shit out of that bag, and yes it did look worthy of a stink eye! I go through all the usual things I’d and I ain’t gonna go into tech shit, holy hell I ain’t (or you) ain’t got that kinda time. {I have to put this in here so give a bit of an example of my qualls, I had to deal with a desk job with customers in similar positions for quite sometime, engineering was my friendeny, they love and hated the shit out of me. probably cause almost every time safety was brought up I’d get up and start doing “The safety Dance” from Men Without Hats but when the stakes were down I’d over thing the fuck out of them and quiff saying “and I’m doing this with half my brain tied behind my back” …yeah they fucking despised me, and I despised their pay checks. So fuck ’em, I had calls that like saved peoples lives to where like I was on the phone with fire fighters trying to get machines down…sweet Jesus fire fighters are great but they are not mechanics!}

Fuck got side tracked….Okay she was very mad and scared! I tried everything and I mean everything, so I switched to the NO NO …….the last god dam ditch effort. Of course I knew every hose and every fitting (hydraulic) on the machine and knew what was closed centre and open centre so i could steal parts from other operating systems to make the rig work (one leaks like hell one don’t) I ran direct pressure to the cylinder to pull the boom down and………nothing……fuck, we had 10 minutes left and if we were on the barge we would die when the ship came by. I told James “FUCK IT we are going down out of the envelope” (envelope???right well the boom has to come in so far before it can come down…gravity is sotra a bitch in this stuff, if too much is out machine falls over and me and James die from crushing barge/machine…something is gonna kill our asses) I tell him to run the controls and i grab the tread of the tire that will first lift off the deck so if it does start to fall I’ll feel the tire get loose, I’d done many stability test before and I know when it’s going down, ya got about 25 seconds till it crashes. He is running the controls and the poor lift’s alarms are screaming “MOTHER FUCKER WHAT ARE YOU DOING….I loved you…….)” Me: I’m doing this for your own good. She crest at the worst part and I start to relax, look at the time, 7 minutes. Finally get her to the deck and James and I grab all our stuff and throw it into the john boat and pull like hell. 30 seconds early the giant freighters wake hits the barge as we are pulling ourselves to safety. She was safe. I looked at her and just smiled and said “Ave wa madon wa zell” after all we were in French speaking America…she knew Cajun! After all those struggles Jeff and I were in Wisconson repairing the machines “Big Blue” fell on our boss called and told us the whole problem was someone had left a wrag on the hydraulic cylinder when it was being put together and it had gotten into the holding cartridge which restricted all fluid flow. All that cause someone probably went to break and forgot one little thing! Peoples lives mattered, there was almost a million dollars on the line for a 10 cent mistake.

Suck is life we some how all no matter how perfect we think we are there is one tiny thing that could be missing, weather it be the tiny thing of telling your loved one how awesome they are before you leave the house every day or that one last rub on the dog, or looking at your tires before you pull out of the drive (maybe it could blow out and hurt some one). We over look something every day…..How will you do tomorrow, will it be with blinders or will you see that honeybee and remember if they were not doing their job YOU DON”T GET TO LIVE MOTHER FUCKER. See it’s the simple things that keep us all here, bank accounts matter nothing at the end of the day. A bee, a bird, a germ doesn’t think I got a job today, it just does. It’s how we do it, that’s what matters.

I had no fucking clue that was gonna end up like that, fuck I’m getting good at this shit! So the theme was in Cajun country so we shall end with French, what he fuck right! “Faire compter aujoudd’hui” means “make today count” Av wa (I know very little French except ordering drinks then I’m a fucking god) I try to love everyone I wish the whole world was like that. From my beginnings as a tobacco farmer in the mid west to the military then a traveler it’s been quite a journey, and that’s one of the reasons I write this….nothing defines you…you make you….so go make you YOU

Published by drewstram

This is my first time writing a blog, really the first time writing anything public (sure it shows...don't be so judgeie, jezz). I'm 43 and should be divorced in about a month, haven't heard nor seen her in well over a year so I sorta forget I'm still married. I'm basically at a crossroads in my life. Not like Ralph Machio in the movie 'Crossroads", think a lot less deals with the devil, guitars, and gravel roads, actually nothing like that. This is gonna be either a epic story of a come back or one great big train wreck. Lots of stories to tell and I hope some are entertaining. Maybe it will be an example of what not to do with your spare time. Thanks for stopping by.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: